Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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