found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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