): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
