I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
