ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
