I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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