Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
