Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
