YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
