How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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