shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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