There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
