Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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