NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
