I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
