We named our party play list daddy issues
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
