He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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