I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
