Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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