Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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