omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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