i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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