Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
