oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
