New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You took a bar mat shot.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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