i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
