The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
