He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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