I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
