some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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