I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
