If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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