On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
