I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
