When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
