Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
