apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
