Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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