ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
