how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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