My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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