Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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