I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
