I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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