this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
