I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
