Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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