They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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