You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
