Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
