My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
