I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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