Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
