She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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