I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
