My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
