We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
