Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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