Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
