You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
