And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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