I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
