apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
